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07-08-2006, 05:43 AM
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Prophet
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,009
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Halo 2 Boards Elite Roleplayer's Association
Closely resembling the SRA (Senior Roleplayers Association) the Elite Roleplayer's Association (ERA) is only for the best, of the best, of the best roleplayers, and, unlike the SRA which is a part of another website, the ERA is strictly a Halo 2 boards thing. Post your stories here, and I'll grade them. The lowest level you can recieve is a 1, while the highest, which is reserved only for the greatest roleplayers, is a 10. After being given your level, proudly post it in your signature.
For tips on making your roleplaying skills better, refer to the thread titled The Roleplayer's Guide, or the thread titled Tips for Starting a Roleplay.
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Here's an example of what I'm looking for:
"All...lost...have died...Beta Station...resulted...the destruction...facilities...need help...still time...save...station..."
The message ended. Ecdu looked up, his mandibles clicking in anger. Beta Station was one of the most important flood examining stations the Covenant had ever built. From what the message was saying, the flood had apparently "broken their shackles" and attacked. The datapad that had played the message was set down on a small table, a table that also held his energy sword. Ecdu 'Apsutee picked up the hilt of the blade, and, with a flick of his wrist, activated it. The harsh light of the plasma blade shone off Ecdu's blue and steel armor. That same blade was going to stop the flood onslaught on the Station...
The small armada of Covenant soldiers consisted of five Elites, five grunts, and two Hunters. Because of the recent split in the Covenant's ranking system, Ecdu preferred soldiers that could actually work together instead of fighting each other. They were already onboard a large phantom, and it was ready to take off. No prophet blessings, no ceremonial gifts. It wasn't like it used to be. The phantom took off, and the throb of the engines accelerated to a deafening roar as it sped through space, darkness around it...
The station was positioned on a cold, harsh world. There was no name for the world, but the station on it was what made the planet so important. Resembling the famous forerunner flood facility Lockout, it was very similiar in structure, differing only in size and, what Ecdu thought, security. But apparently not if the flood could escape. The phantom slowed down, and hovered over a large platform. The dropping point of the hatch, where the soldiers would get out from, opened up, and Ecdu was the first to leap out. He landed on cold forerunner steel, and next to him lay the body of one his brothers, a Sangelhi warrior, an Elite. It had apparently been infected by the flood, but no sign of the infection form remained on the body. Ecdu heard a thump behind him, and turned. The other troops, the elites, grunts and hunters, were there. Ecdu nodded, and took point. He heard the phantom take off, and snow rained down on them as they entered the first cavern of the first facility...
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__________________
Elite Roleplayer's Association Level 10
Senior Roleplayer's Association Level 10
Amateur Roleplayer's Association Level 10
Last edited by Spartan-014 : 07-08-2006 at 05:40 PM.
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07-08-2006, 07:07 PM
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Prophet
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 1,347
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NOt done yet ok. i'll edit this post later.
BOOM…… out of the fog came out the last remaining elites. Their transport had been shot down and crash-landed in High Charity. Rim, Leta, Zbre, Kudez, and Brun. They were alone. “What do we do?” Asked Rim. “I don’t know.” answered Zbre. They started to move to one of the doors in the room. Rim knew that door send them directly to the hanger. Rim reached the control panel to open it, but it was no use. It was jammed. The only other way there was through the execution room. “We have to go trough that door, this one’s jammed.” said Rim. They crept slowly to the door . Rim reached the control panel, hopping that they weren’t trapped in the room. Luck was in their side. It opened. They passed thorough the door and entered what supposed to be the food court. Now it looked liked the garbage room. “Food court.” said Zbre. “Yeah, hope we are not the next meal for those slimy creatures.” said Kudez. They were walking up the passage until they stopped. They were trapped. The only thing that was in front of them was moss stuck to the wall. “Oh, great.” said Zbre in sarcasm. “Wait, I remember there was some kind of elevator here. I think its behind that moss covered wall” said Rim. “You expect me to touch that.” said Zbre. Rim nodded. As much as Zbre didn’t want to, he knew it was the only way. He started scraping off the moss of the wall. Finally, he found the control panel of the elevator. He opened the door. They went in the elevator. They soon were going up. “Its weird that no Flood have encountered us yet.” said Leta. When they reached level 5 the elevator suddenly stopped. “what?!!” said Zbre. Luck had run out for our friends. The door opened and flood were all scattered in the room. “Oh no” said Leta. They started shooting at the flood with their plasma rifles. But it was useless, they were outnumbered and outmatched. Seeing that their efforts where futile, Rim said “Retreat back to the elevator!!” They started moving towards the elevator. “close the door!!!” demanded Brun. Rim closed the door. The elevator began to move upwards. There was silence. “Is everyone ok?” asked Rim. He turned around to see his crew. He was shocked at what he saw. Two of his crewmates were gone. “Were is Leta and Zbre?!!” demanded Rim.
(back at lv. 5) Leta and Zbre were backing up towards the elevator. Until Leta got hit in the back. “oh no. they left without us!!!” screamed Leta. “Run!!” said Zbre. They started running towards a door. Zbre opened it and ran in. so did Leta. Zbre manage to close the door in time before the Flood could get in. “My shields are down.” said Leta. She couldn’t fight anymore. She was exhausted, so was Zbre. “Why would they leave us?” asked Leta. “I don’t think they left us in purpose.” Zbre assured Leta. “All we can do know is go to the PA system room and call Rim.” said Zbre. They ran down the corridor.
(back at the elevator)“I don’t know ,they were right behind you” Said Kudez. “Damn it.” said Rim in anger. “We have to go back and save them!!” said Brun. “No, its to late. If we go back there we are surely going to die!!. We have to get to the hanger, and quickly.” said Rim. The elevator finally stopped in lv. 8. The door opened slowly. There was no Flood in that level. “Keep moving, and remember, no going back.” said Rim. They ran into the distance.
(Lv. 5)Zbre and Leta finally stopped at an intersection of corridors. “This way” said Zbre pointing at the left corridor. They began to run toward the door in front of them. “How come you know a lot about this place?” asked Leta. “ I was born and raised here.” said Zbre. They passed the door and kept going on. After a minute or so they reached a door which lead into the Pa system room. “we are here.” Zbre said with courage and hope. Leta reached the Pa microphone and said.” Rim we are safe, we are in the pa system room. If you can hear us come down here quickly.” she puts down the microphone. “what now” said Leta. “We wait and see what happens.” said Zbre. Both of them spread themselves in the room. Zbre went to the left window and Leta to the right window. They took out their carbines and waited.
(Lv.8)Rim, Brun, and Kudez kept running. Rim finally stopped. “What’s the matter Rim?” asked Kudez. Rim said nothing. He then pointed to the side. Everyone turned. There was at least 15 Flood infested Elites and Brutes. How where they going to get themselves out of this one. Rim finally spoke.” Ok, Kudez you are going to run up to that bar , shoot and take cover. We will then , when they are distracted, shoot with our plasma rifles.” “Ok.” said Kudez. He ran towards the ledge and started shooting. “ Aim where their head would normally be,” whispered Rim. They started shooting with their plasma rifles. One…two…three… until they were all gone, except two. They infected elites dropped their weapon and started smacking Rim and Brun. They both fell to the floor. Then Kudez ran up to the infected Elites and smacked them in the back of their heads. He helped Rim and Brun up. “Lets keep going.” said Kudez. They kept running until they were startled. The sound of Leta’s voice was hear over the Pa system. “Rim we are safe, we are in the pa system room. If you can hear us come down here quickly.” it ended. “Those fools. Everything and everyone is going to go there.” said Rim. “Well , we are still going to get them.” said Kudez. “We still don’t have a way to get there.” Brun reminded them. “We can go to the security room and look at the cameras so we can have an idea to how can we get there.” said Rim. They were off to the security room.
__________________
Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead. -Unknown
Whatever it takes.
Last edited by The §pä®tan Killer : 07-08-2006 at 08:56 PM.
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07-09-2006, 12:09 AM
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Prophet
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,009
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by The §pä®tan Killer
BOOM…… out of the fog came out the last remaining elites. Their transport had been shot down and crash-landed in High Charity. Rim, Leta, Zbre, Kudez, and Brun. They were alone. “What do we do?” Asked Rim. “I don’t know.” answered Zbre. They started to move to one of the doors in the room. Rim knew that door send them directly to the hanger. Rim reached the control panel to open it, but it was no use. It was jammed. The only other way there was through the execution room. “We have to go trough that door, this one’s jammed.” said Rim. They crept slowly to the door . Rim reached the control panel, hopping that they weren’t trapped in the room. Luck was in their side. It opened. They passed thorough the door and entered what supposed to be the food court. Now it looked liked the garbage room. “Food court.” said Zbre. “Yeah, hope we are not the next meal for those slimy creatures.” said Kudez. They were walking up the passage until they stopped. They were trapped. The only thing that was in front of them was moss stuck to the wall. “Oh, great.” said Zbre in sarcasm. “Wait, I remember there was some kind of elevator here. I think its behind that moss covered wall” said Rim. “You expect me to touch that.” said Zbre. Rim nodded. As much as Zbre didn’t want to, he knew it was the only way. He started scraping off the moss of the wall. Finally, he found the control panel of the elevator. He opened the door. They went in the elevator. They soon were going up. “Its weird that no Flood have encountered us yet.” said Leta. When they reached level 5 the elevator suddenly stopped. “what?!!” said Zbre. Luck had run out for our friends. The door opened and flood were all scattered in the room. “Oh no” said Leta. They started shooting at the flood with their plasma rifles. But it was useless, they were outnumbered and outmatched. Seeing that their efforts where futile, Rim said “Retreat back to the elevator!!” They started moving towards the elevator. “close the door!!!” demanded Brun. Rim closed the door. The elevator began to move upwards. There was silence. “Is everyone ok?” asked Rim. He turned around to see his crew. He was shocked at what he saw. Two of his crewmates were gone. “Were is Leta and Zbre?!!” demanded Rim.
(back at lv. 5) Leta and Zbre were backing up towards the elevator. Until Leta got hit in the back. “oh no. they left without us!!!” screamed Leta. “Run!!” said Zbre. They started running towards a door. Zbre opened it and ran in. so did Leta. Zbre manage to close the door in time before the Flood could get in. “My shields are down.” said Leta. She couldn’t fight anymore. She was exhausted, so was Zbre. “Why would they leave us?” asked Leta. “I don’t think they left us in purpose.” Zbre assured Leta. “All we can do know is go to the PA system room and call Rim.” said Zbre. They ran down the corridor.
(back at the elevator)“I don’t know ,they were right behind you” Said Kudez. “Damn it.” said Rim in anger. “We have to go back and save them!!” said Brun. “No, its to late. If we go back there we are surely going to die!!. We have to get to the hanger, and quickly.” said Rim. The elevator finally stopped in lv. 8. The door opened slowly. There was no Flood in that level. “Keep moving, and remember, no going back.” said Rim. They ran into the distance.
(Lv. 5)Zbre and Leta finally stopped at an intersection of corridors. “This way” said Zbre pointing at the left corridor. They began to run toward the door in front of them. “How come you know a lot about this place?” asked Leta. “ I was born and raised here.” said Zbre. They passed the door and kept going on. After a minute or so they reached a door which lead into the Pa system room. “we are here.” Zbre said with courage and hope. Leta reached the Pa microphone and said.” Rim we are safe, we are in the pa system room. If you can hear us come down here quickly.” she puts down the microphone. “what now” said Leta. “We wait and see what happens.” said Zbre. Both of them spread themselves in the room. Zbre went to the left window and Leta to the right window. They took out their carbines and waited.
(Lv.8)Rim, Brun, and Kudez kept running. Rim finally stopped. “What’s the matter Rim?” asked Kudez. Rim said nothing. He then pointed to the side. Everyone turned. There was at least 15 Flood infested Elites and Brutes. How where they going to get themselves out of this one. Rim finally spoke.” Ok, Kudez you are going to run up to that bar , shoot and take cover. We will then , when they are distracted, shoot with our plasma rifles.” “Ok.” said Kudez. He ran towards the ledge and started shooting. “ Aim where their head would normally be,” whispered Rim. They started shooting with their plasma rifles. One…two…three… until they were all gone, except two. They infected elites dropped their weapon and started smacking Rim and Brun. They both fell to the floor. Then Kudez ran up to the infected Elites and smacked them in the back of their heads. He helped Rim and Brun up. “Lets keep going.” said Kudez. They kept running until they were startled. The sound of Leta’s voice was hear over the Pa system. “Rim we are safe, we are in the pa system room. If you can hear us come down here quickly.” it ended. “Those fools. Everything and everyone is going to go there.” said Rim. “Well , we are still going to get them.” said Kudez. “We still don’t have a way to get there.” Brun reminded them. “We can go to the security room and look at the cameras so we can have an idea to how can we get there.” said Rim. They were off to the security room.
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Level 2. Spelling is okay, but the grammar needs work. Some sentences run together, and some sentences don't make total sense. If you wanna try for a higher level, keep practicing.
Copy and paste this into your sig. Elite Roleplayer's Association Level 2
Then attach this hyperlink to it: http://img170.imageshack.us/img170/1770/untitled3no.png
__________________
Elite Roleplayer's Association Level 10
Senior Roleplayer's Association Level 10
Amateur Roleplayer's Association Level 10
Last edited by Spartan-014 : 07-09-2006 at 12:24 AM.
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07-09-2006, 12:51 AM
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Prophet
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 4,800
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“Hey, look!” a marine commented, pointing at the Multa station.
“The Multa’s already driven off its boarders!”
Cortana opened the comm channel.
“Multa, what is your status, over?”
A young voice, clearly ecstatic about the Covenant retreat, answered the call.
“They’re retreating! I can’t believe it – we won!”
Those were the last words ever to escape the crewman’s lips. The Multa shook, and was disintegrated by a huge internal blast. Another blast followed – but from inside the launch bay. The door behind the Spartan had been blown wide open, and a pair of Zealots roared defiance. All of the marines gave a jump and fired. All but one, that is. The outspoken Corporal had been shot in the stomach and was doubled over, coughing blood onto the metal floor. He gave a groan and collapsed unconscious. As the man lay dieing, the Chief opened fire. Rounds tore through the lead Elite’s helmet, cutting its brainstem and spattering the bulkhead with blood. The other bastard turned and fired. Plasma washed over John’s helmet and lowered his shields. He had a distinct metallic taste in his mouth – one he had come to associate with his shielding getting hit. As the smell of ozone again filled his helmet, he crouched down behind the engine coupling on the Pelican. The Titanium-A armor melted, distorting the sign that read MARINES.
“Shit!”
A marine collapsed in a hail of plasma, which burned him unrecognizably. Spartan 117 edged his way around the dropship, priming two grenades as he neared the corner. Then he cast his body around the obstacle and threw the explosives. The massive, one-thousand pound warrior flew for a split second - before he hit the ground and slid for a few feet. Sparks shot over his visor, but they were blotted out by the magnificent explosion of the HE-9 grenades. The remaining Elite and his company of Grunts were obliterated by the ensuing heat and fragmentation. As the smoke died down, the carnage was clearly visible. Bodies – some missing arms and legs – were strewn about the bay. Stepping out into the hallway beyond, the Master Chief wiped the blood off his visor. The hallway twisted around into a second launch bay – where he was assisted by two marines. He immediately disposed of the pistols when he came to a stockpile of Battle Rifle ammo. Zooming into two times magnification, he scanned the area. He didn’t need to look far, however, as a Grunt on a stationary turret spotted him and opened up. Only five rounds spat from the gun before the Spartan blew the operator’s head off. The body fell from the platform and hit the ground with a thump.
The other gunner only had time to scream in horror as he met the same fate. As the gunfire from the turrets subsided, the Chief ran into the opposing group of Covenant at the far end of the launch bay. A single fragmentation grenade decimated the alien ranks, leaving only one Elite. The warrior turned out to be injured from the grenade blast, and a single burst served to eliminate him, too. As more opponents jumped from the adjacent boarding craft, another grenade landed in their midst. This time the explosive left no stragglers, blowing all of the aliens apart. The last group was annihilated by a series of three round bursts. Only one Elite was left standing, but not for long. The Chief crushed his skull with a swift blow and moved on.
__________________
IT ISN'T!
Just a one-sided VER-SION!
WE'VE DEALT!
With a manic SUB-VER-SION!
AND I WON'T!
Let the truth be PER-VERT-ED!
AND I WON'T LEAVE ANOTHER VICTIM DES-ERT-ED!
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07-09-2006, 01:05 AM
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Prophet
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,009
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Dark Energy
“Hey, look!” a marine commented, pointing at the Multa station.
“The Multa’s already driven off its boarders!”
Cortana opened the comm channel.
“Multa, what is your status, over?”
A young voice, clearly ecstatic about the Covenant retreat, answered the call.
“They’re retreating! I can’t believe it – we won!”
Those were the last words ever to escape the crewman’s lips. The Multa shook, and was disintegrated by a huge internal blast. Another blast followed – but from inside the launch bay. The door behind the Spartan had been blown wide open, and a pair of Zealots roared defiance. All of the marines gave a jump and fired. All but one, that is. The outspoken Corporal had been shot in the stomach and was doubled over, coughing blood onto the metal floor. He gave a groan and collapsed unconscious. As the man lay dieing, the Chief opened fire. Rounds tore through the lead Elite’s helmet, cutting its brainstem and spattering the bulkhead with blood. The other bastard turned and fired. Plasma washed over John’s helmet and lowered his shields. He had a distinct metallic taste in his mouth – one he had come to associate with his shielding getting hit. As the smell of ozone again filled his helmet, he crouched down behind the engine coupling on the Pelican. The Titanium-A armor melted, distorting the sign that read MARINES.
“Shit!”
A marine collapsed in a hail of plasma, which burned him unrecognizably. Spartan 117 edged his way around the dropship, priming two grenades as he neared the corner. Then he cast his body around the obstacle and threw the explosives. The massive, one-thousand pound warrior flew for a split second - before he hit the ground and slid for a few feet. Sparks shot over his visor, but they were blotted out by the magnificent explosion of the HE-9 grenades. The remaining Elite and his company of Grunts were obliterated by the ensuing heat and fragmentation. As the smoke died down, the carnage was clearly visible. Bodies – some missing arms and legs – were strewn about the bay. Stepping out into the hallway beyond, the Master Chief wiped the blood off his visor. The hallway twisted around into a second launch bay – where he was assisted by two marines. He immediately disposed of the pistols when he came to a stockpile of Battle Rifle ammo. Zooming into two times magnification, he scanned the area. He didn’t need to look far, however, as a Grunt on a stationary turret spotted him and opened up. Only five rounds spat from the gun before the Spartan blew the operator’s head off. The body fell from the platform and hit the ground with a thump.
The other gunner only had time to scream in horror as he met the same fate. As the gunfire from the turrets subsided, the Chief ran into the opposing group of Covenant at the far end of the launch bay. A single fragmentation grenade decimated the alien ranks, leaving only one Elite. The warrior turned out to be injured from the grenade blast, and a single burst served to eliminate him, too. As more opponents jumped from the adjacent boarding craft, another grenade landed in their midst. This time the explosive left no stragglers, blowing all of the aliens apart. The last group was annihilated by a series of three round bursts. Only one Elite was left standing, but not for long. The Chief crushed his skull with a swift blow and moved on.
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Nice job-Level 10! Your story clearly painted a picture in my mind. Good job.
Copy and paste this into your sig: Elite Roleplayer's Association Level 10
Then attach the hyperlink to it: http://img108.imageshack.us/img108/...nlevel102ot.jpg
__________________
Elite Roleplayer's Association Level 10
Senior Roleplayer's Association Level 10
Amateur Roleplayer's Association Level 10
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07-09-2006, 04:40 AM
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Prophet
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 1,347
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what grade is this:::
As Master Chief stepped out off the space pod, the sun’s flare reflected on his helmet. He laid the first step on the vast, scorching desert’s sand. He stared off to the mountains. He still couldn’t imagine there was a covenant camp out there. And for what reason. He heard footsteps behind him. He got out his battle rifle and turned around. Just to realize he had almost forgot he had brought a group of marines with him.
“So, chief, where do we head.” (marine)
“Commander said to go to the south.” (Cortana)
Master Chief pointed to the south. The marines started to move towards the pointed direction. It was hard to move around with all the sand. Master Chief thought if there was a camp there was supposed to be guards so…he got out his Sniper rifle. He zoomed in towards the mountains . He was looking everywhere until he saw a metallic camp like structure. He zoomed in again. what he saw startled him. There was a Prophet just outside the doors of the camp. Here? Why? What happened? Questions were wandering all over his mind. Cortana’s voice made him come back to reality.
“What did u see?” (Cortana)
“ A Prophet.” (Master Chief)
“A Prophet. Here, why ? How?” (Cortana)
He could tell she was as startled as he was. After he brought up his sniper back up to his chest, he aimed directly at the Prophet’s head. It was to late. The sniper rifle flew out of his hands. He turned around and saw two Elites with a weird armor. It had a color he had never seen in Elite’s armor. It was Desert brown with yellow linings. They had shot his sniper with a weapon that was not plasma powered. The marines started to shoot. But the bullets ricocheted off their armor. Master Chief was surprised. The Elite’s armor had never done that. He started to shoot with his m6c pistol until he finished the whole round. But it had the same fate as the other bullets. The Elites let out a devious laugh. Two marines were already dead and one got wounded in the leg. Master chief new that they were all going to die. They were invincible.
“Head back to the space pod now!” (Master chief)
They all ran to the space pod. But the sand made them run slow. Another marine had died. When they finally got to the space pod the crew of ten men had been reduced to four. They all ran inside and the pilots called for help. Master chief went to the weaponry closet and took out a sword. He got out and ran to the elites furiously. He swung his sword two times but only did minor damage to the armor. One Elite swung back with the strange gun and hit the Master chief with a fatal blow. He almost went unconscious but cortana’s voice kept him up.
“Its useless chief. Run back to the pod!” (Cortana)
He listened and retreated back to the pod. He got inside. Fell on one of the seats, and fainted. He slowly opened his eyes to see a marine looking at him.
“He’s okay” (Marine)
He stood up and saw he was in a pelican flying back to the capital ship.
“You nodded off for a while there.” (Cortana)
“What happened when I was unconscious?” (master chief)
“A pelican flew by and shot those elites. They retreated back to their base.” (Cortana)
He didn’t want to leave with no answers. He had that Prophet. He had the opportunity to kill him but missed. And who or what where does Elites? He had a lot of questions but no answers. He hoped of returning to that desert planet and get his revenge.
__________________
Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead. -Unknown
Whatever it takes.
Last edited by The §pä®tan Killer : 07-09-2006 at 06:44 PM.
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07-09-2006, 04:46 AM
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Prophet
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 4,800
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by The §pä®tan Killer
what grade is this:::
As Master Chief stepped out off the space pod, the sun’s flare reflected on his helmet. He laid the first step on the vast, scorching desert’s sand. He stared off to the mountains. He is still couldn’t imagine there was a covenant camp out there. And for what reason. He heard footsteps behind him. He got out his battle rifle and turned around. He had almost forgotten he had brought a group of marines with him.
“So, chief, where do we head.” (marine)
“Commander said to go to the south.” (Cortana)
Master Chief pointed to the south. All the marines started to move towards the pointed direction. It was hard to move around with all the sand. Master Chief thought if there was a camp there is supposed to be guards so…he got out his Sniper rifle. He zoomed in towards the mountains . He was looking everywhere until he saw a metallic camp like structure. He zoomed in more. what he saw startled him. There was a Prophet just outside the doors of the camp. Here? Why? What happened? Questions were wandering all over his mind. Cortana’s voice made him come back to reality.
“What did u see?” (Cortana)
“ A Prophet.” (Master Chief)
“A prophet. Here, why ? How?” (Cortana)
He could tell she was as startled as he was. He brought up his sniper back up to his chest. He aimed directly at the Prophet’s head. It was to late. The sniper rifle flew out of his hands. He turned around and saw two elites with a weird armor. It had a color he had never seen in Elite’s armor. It was Desert brown with yellow linings. They had shot his sniper with a weapon That was not plasma powered. All the marines started shooting. But the bullets ricocheted off their armor. Master Chief was surprised. The elite’s armor had never done that. He started shooting with his m6c pistol and shot the whole round at them. But it had the same fate as the other bullets. The elites let out a devious laugh. Two marines were already dead and one got wounded in the leg. Master chief new that they were all going to die. They were invincible.
“Head back to the space pod now!” (Master chief)
They all ran to the space pod. But the sand made them run slow. Another marine had died. When they finally got to the space pod the crew of ten men had been reduced to four. They all ran inside and the pilots called for help. Master chief went to the weaponry closet and took out a sword. He got out and ran to the elites furiously. he swung his sword two times but only did minor damage to the armor. One Elite swung back with the strange gun and hit the Master chief. The Master chief got hit with a fatal blow. He almost went unconscious but cortana’s voice kept him up.
“Its useless chief. Run back to the pod!” (Cortana)
He listen and retreated back to the pod. He got inside. Fell on one of the seats, and fainted. He slowly opened his eyes to see a marine looking at him.
“He’s okay” (Marine)
He stood up and saw he was in a pelican flying back to the capital ship.
“You nodded of for a while there.” (Cortana)
“What happened when I went unconscious?” (master chief)
“A pelican flew by and shot those elites. They retreated back to their base.” (Cortana)
He didn’t want to leave with no answers. He had that Prophet. He had the opportunity to kill him but missed. And who or what where does Elites? He had a lot of questions but no answers. He hoped of returning to that desert planet and get his revenge.
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I say a 3, don't you consent Spartan 014?
__________________
IT ISN'T!
Just a one-sided VER-SION!
WE'VE DEALT!
With a manic SUB-VER-SION!
AND I WON'T!
Let the truth be PER-VERT-ED!
AND I WON'T LEAVE ANOTHER VICTIM DES-ERT-ED!
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07-09-2006, 04:49 AM
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Prophet
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,009
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by The §pä®tan Killer
what grade is this:::
As Master Chief stepped out off the space pod, the sun’s flare reflected on his helmet. He laid the first step on the vast, scorching desert’s sand. He stared off to the mountains. He is still couldn’t imagine there was a covenant camp out there. And for what reason. He heard footsteps behind him. He got out his battle rifle and turned around. He had almost forgotten he had brought a group of marines with him.
“So, chief, where do we head.” (marine)
“Commander said to go to the south.” (Cortana)
Master Chief pointed to the south. All the marines started to move towards the pointed direction. It was hard to move around with all the sand. Master Chief thought if there was a camp there is supposed to be guards so…he got out his Sniper rifle. He zoomed in towards the mountains . He was looking everywhere until he saw a metallic camp like structure. He zoomed in more. what he saw startled him. There was a Prophet just outside the doors of the camp. Here? Why? What happened? Questions were wandering all over his mind. Cortana’s voice made him come back to reality.
“What did u see?” (Cortana)
“ A Prophet.” (Master Chief)
“A prophet. Here, why ? How?” (Cortana)
He could tell she was as startled as he was. He brought up his sniper back up to his chest. He aimed directly at the Prophet’s head. It was to late. The sniper rifle flew out of his hands. He turned around and saw two elites with a weird armor. It had a color he had never seen in Elite’s armor. It was Desert brown with yellow linings. They had shot his sniper with a weapon That was not plasma powered. All the marines started shooting. But the bullets ricocheted off their armor. Master Chief was surprised. The elite’s armor had never done that. He started shooting with his m6c pistol and shot the whole round at them. But it had the same fate as the other bullets. The elites let out a devious laugh. Two marines were already dead and one got wounded in the leg. Master chief new that they were all going to die. They were invincible.
“Head back to the space pod now!” (Master chief)
They all ran to the space pod. But the sand made them run slow. Another marine had died. When they finally got to the space pod the crew of ten men had been reduced to four. They all ran inside and the pilots called for help. Master chief went to the weaponry closet and took out a sword. He got out and ran to the elites furiously. he swung his sword two times but only did minor damage to the armor. One Elite swung back with the strange gun and hit the Master chief. The Master chief got hit with a fatal blow. He almost went unconscious but cortana’s voice kept him up.
“Its useless chief. Run back to the pod!” (Cortana)
He listen and retreated back to the pod. He got inside. Fell on one of the seats, and fainted. He slowly opened his eyes to see a marine looking at him.
“He’s okay” (Marine)
He stood up and saw he was in a pelican flying back to the capital ship.
“You nodded of for a while there.” (Cortana)
“What happened when I went unconscious?” (master chief)
“A pelican flew by and shot those elites. They retreated back to their base.” (Cortana)
He didn’t want to leave with no answers. He had that Prophet. He had the opportunity to kill him but missed. And who or what where does Elites? He had a lot of questions but no answers. He hoped of returning to that desert planet and get his revenge.
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Level 3. Some sentences still run together, some words mispelled in their meaning: for instance: " Master chief new that they were all going to die". "New" is supposed to be spelled "knew". Some letters should also be capitalized. And some of the story doesn't make sense. Like how did the Master Chief get in the Space pod. Explain that. For instance, say something like, "...the space pod rumbled as it fell to the planet below, and he dozed off." This is where you might say how he got in the space pod. Do you get it? From what I'm understanding, though, it sounds like a pretty good storyline, with work.
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Last edited by Spartan-014 : 07-10-2006 at 11:14 PM.
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07-11-2006, 03:50 AM
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Prophet
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 1,347
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Its not much but I revised it like ten times.
The rumble of the storm shook the inside of the Phantom. It wasn’t like any other day for the brave Elites. They were sent to a secret mission that was not recorded in the Covenant archives. The mission to them was quite simple: retrieve information about the Flood and its creators in The Library. They were warned about the demon that was there. They had never seen a demon before, but heard their intense destruction and power were fathomless. They still accepted the mission hoping of becoming Honor guards. They hoped of surviving what was known not to be survivable. The Phantom carried a pair of Hunters, five Elites, and three Grunts. “We reached The Library. Prepare for drop-off,” said one of the pilots. They gathered all they could and stood in the teleportation space.
The first ones to leave the security of the Phantom were the Hunters. After a quick search for enemies by the Hunters, the Elites and Grunts were dropped-off. The outside of the library looked like a large dome. As the Phantom took off, the rain hit the valiant squadron. They moved toward the door in front of them. One Elite came near the control panel to try and open the door. It opened ,and they moved inside. There were Humans alike Elites on the floor dead. There was blood smeared all over the place. They moved through the lifeless bodies to the next room, but before they could get there the door opened. Letting out small Flood into the room. Immediately the Elites, Hunters, and Grunts started shooting. But they couldn’t execute all of them. Some started uniting with the bodies on the floor. Soon, small Flood, turned into infected humans and Elites. They were outnumbered. They knew they had to leave, but according with the Prophets, retreat wasn’t a choice. They stayed and took a stand. They killed off some Flood ,but there was still many more. Soon enough , they were out of ammunition. Suddenly a person came in the room and finished the rest of the Flood off. They were saved, but the individual turned around and killed one Grunt. They were ammo less, and unprotected. The human being got closer to them. “wh…wh…who are you?” asked one Elite. The individual said “I am a Spartan.” Those were the last words they heard before being assassinated. They didn't even make it to the second room. One Elite, still alive, looked into the Spartan’s helmet. He saw fire coming out of his eyes. He knew he was the demon. He gave one final terrorizing scream that was heard all over The Library. They were all dead.
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07-11-2006, 04:01 AM
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Prophet
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,009
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by The §pä®tan Killer
Its not much but I revised it like ten times.
The rumble of the storm shook the inside of the Phantom. It wasn’t like any other day for the brave Elites. They were sent to a secret mission that was not recorded in the Covenant archives. The mission to them was quite simple: retrieve information about the Flood and its creators in The Library. They were warned about the demon that was there. They had never seen a demon before, but heard their intense destruction and power were fathomless. They still accepted the mission hoping of becoming Honor guards. They hoped of surviving what was known not to be survivable. The Phantom carried a pair of Hunters, five Elites, and three Grunts. “We reached The Library. Prepare for drop-off,” said one of the pilots. They gathered all they could and stood in the teleportation space.
The first ones to leave the security of the Phantom were the Hunters. After a quick search for enemies by the Hunters, the Elites and Grunts were dropped-off. The outside of the library looked like a large dome. As the Phantom took off, the rain hit the valiant squadron. They moved toward the door in front of them. One Elite came near the control panel to try and open the door. It opened ,and they moved inside. There were Humans alike Elites on the floor dead. There was blood smeared all over the place. They moved through the lifeless bodies to the next room, but before they could get there the door opened. Letting out small Flood into the room. Immediately the Elites, Hunters, and Grunts started shooting. But they couldn’t execute all of them. Some started uniting with the bodies on the floor. Soon, small Flood, turned into infected humans and Elites. They were outnumbered. They knew they had to leave, but according with the Prophets, retreat wasn’t a choice. They stayed and took a stand. They killed off some Flood ,but there was still many more. Soon enough , they were out of ammunition. Suddenly a person came in the room and finished the rest of the Flood off. They were saved, but the individual turned around and killed one Grunt. They were ammo less, and unprotected. The human being got closer to them. “wh…wh…who are you?” asked one Elite. The individual said “I am a Spartan.” Those were the last words they heard before being assassinated. They didn't even make it to the second room. One Elite, still alive, looked into the Spartan’s helmet. He saw fire coming out of his eyes. He knew he was the demon. He gave one final terrorizing scream that was heard all over The Library. They were all dead.
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Nice work. A few things, first. Some puncuation is missing in some sentences, and puncuation is very critical to roleplaying. I noticed in the first few sentences that your choice of words could have been better. For instance, instead of "They were sent to a secret mission..." you could change it too "they were being sent on a secret mission", or "they were sent on a secret mission." For the most part, nice work. And make sure to practice on every small detail. For instance, telling how the rain ran down the armor of elites, ect. Level 4.
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Last edited by Spartan-014 : 07-17-2006 at 06:13 PM.
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